How Trauma Affects My Thoughts

I had something pointed out to me recently, by my therapist. Now that it’s been named I can’t help noticing when I do it. I don’t think I see it every time yet, but I’m seeing it a lot. She said that many survivors of severe trauma tend to think twelve steps ahead in every situation.

For example in regards to my IVF my husband is thinking of will we get pregnant? He wonders how I’m doing with the hormone shots. Things in the immediate future.

I, on the other hand, have written out details of how I would like my funeral if I should die giving birth along with a heartfelt message encouraging my husband to continue to have a full and happy life. I’m stressed about how we will introduce our kid/s to religion and at what age and so on.

I’m not living in the now and it’s giving me ulcers. Add the extra hormones from the IVF therapy and I’m a total wreck. I don’t think it’s always a bad thing but I don’t think it’s necessarily doing me any favors. Especially now that I’m noticing it more.

I know it will take some time to learn how to either stop doing this to myself, how to use it in my favor, or how to find a balance somewhere. But I can’t help but worry that I’m going to drive myself crazy and end up in a mental ward. I’m worried that I’m driving my husband up the wall by bringing up things that aren’t even on his radar…even though he has never expressed that as an issue and we are very open with one another.

Sometimes I think so far ahead and with such doom and gloom that it makes it hard to move. I get paralyzed with anxiety or fear that horrible things will happen if I even try so it’s best to just hide in bed under the blankets! I know part of that is my anxiety disorder, but knowing that doesn’t stop this from happening.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m doing far better than I was a year ago, and the years before that. “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.” I still drive myself to the brink of madness, though.

Do you or anyone you know do this? What have you found that helps you? I feel like I have such a long laundry list of issues to talk to my therapist about that I may never get to everything…and I’m doing it again!

Help a girl out! Leave me a comment & or a like!

Oh! That reminds me, I think I have fixed the comments so that when you get a reply to your message you will actually get an email telling you (if you subscribe to the comments).

I have also been trying to fix it so that you CAN subscribe to replies from your comments, or to all comments. Hit me up HERE if it’s not working for you.

Alright, see you in the comments section! I do reply to every comment, so sorry if you haven’t seen that! Have a fantastic week everyone and thanks for stopping by!!

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10 Comments

  1. Roze Wallin said:

    I completely know what you’re describing. I’ve struggled through the same thing, and now that I’ve got the habit down, I can live in the moment (there is hope! haha). Any time I start getting overwhelmed though, I notice myself falling back into that mindset, and I have to focus on staying in the moment. I tell myself to “stay grounded” instead of letting my mind fly into the future and stress out way up there ahead of me. It’s definitely a challenge.

    Music tends to help me focus on what’s going on right now. It forces my mind to focus on one specific thing, and then I can add something else – like writing or cooking – into the moment, and make it a happy one. It takes actively turning your mind around, and making a U-turn into a healthy mindset. Then, I can approach the subject again, without so much energy going into it, overwhelming the situation.

    Thanks a ton for sharing what you’re going through. It always helps to know we’re not the only people who think like this, and struggle to stay in the moment.

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    March 13, 2017
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    • Amy Laurel said:

      Thanks, Roze!

      It really is hard to stay grounded in those moments. Music is a wonderful idea! I’m so glad you read and replied. I appreciated your remarks!!

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      March 13, 2017
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  2. Sae Sae Norris said:

    I think there’s a fine line between being prepared and worrying about the negative possibilities. Have you ever tried coming up with a “what if it goes right” strategy?

    I do this with my work, vacation plans, health. It’s my fear of success that holds me back sometimes. I suppose it’s about balance in the end. I love the advice of anchoring yourself in the present. What a beautiful insight.

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    March 13, 2017
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    • Amy Laurel said:

      Ha! I would never have thought of “what if it goes right”! Once again you are very wise. I think I will play around with that. Thanks!!

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      March 13, 2017
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  3. kathie said:

    Sometimes our past has been so traumatic that we tend to think more about the future because we are afraid the past may catch up to our present…what you are right now, Amy, is an infinitely better place than where you were in the past. Sending you hugs & smiles!

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    March 13, 2017
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    • Amy Laurel said:

      Thanks so much, Kathie! I suppose I need to remind myself of that more often, because you’re right. I’m in a much better place. Thanks for your friendship!!

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      March 13, 2017
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  4. lisa said:

    I like what you wrote, Amy, and I like what Tara said in return. I’m so happy your husband is there for you and knows how to support you. I do this a lot, too and will be looking for more comments on this blog. I want you to know I appreciate what your doing here. Thank you for being so brave.
    Love you,
    Lisa

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    March 13, 2017
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    • Amy Laurel said:

      Thanks, Lisa! I really appreciate your support!!

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      March 13, 2017
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  5. Tara said:

    You know, the best advice I was given about anxiety that I still use to this day was this.
    As you said , a lot anxiety it created when you live in the future and not the present. A strategy my doctor had taught me after a particularly traumatic miscarriage was that you need to ask yourself, am I okay this moment ? Am I safe this very moment ? Is everything fine right in this moment? If the answer is yes, remind yourself of that! Remind yourself that everything is fine right now. So do not look for problems that have not occurred yet, I am fine in this moment. Everything is fine right now.

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    March 13, 2017
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    • Amy Laurel said:

      Thanks, Tara!! I will try to do that. I appreciate the great advice! Thanks for reading and replying!

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      March 13, 2017
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