I had something pointed out to me recently, by my therapist. Now that it’s been named I can’t help noticing when I do it. I don’t think I see it every time yet, but I’m seeing it a lot. She said that many survivors of severe trauma tend to think twelve steps ahead in every situation.
For example in regards to my IVF my husband is thinking of will we get pregnant? He wonders how I’m doing with the hormone shots. Things in the immediate future.
I, on the other hand, have written out details of how I would like my funeral if I should die giving birth along with a heartfelt message encouraging my husband to continue to have a full and happy life. I’m stressed about how we will introduce our kid/s to religion and at what age and so on.
I’m not living in the now and it’s giving me ulcers. Add the extra hormones from the IVF therapy and I’m a total wreck. I don’t think it’s always a bad thing but I don’t think it’s necessarily doing me any favors. Especially now that I’m noticing it more.
I know it will take some time to learn how to either stop doing this to myself, how to use it in my favor, or how to find a balance somewhere. But I can’t help but worry that I’m going to drive myself crazy and end up in a mental ward. I’m worried that I’m driving my husband up the wall by bringing up things that aren’t even on his radar…even though he has never expressed that as an issue and we are very open with one another.
Sometimes I think so far ahead and with such doom and gloom that it makes it hard to move. I get paralyzed with anxiety or fear that horrible things will happen if I even try so it’s best to just hide in bed under the blankets! I know part of that is my anxiety disorder, but knowing that doesn’t stop this from happening.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m doing far better than I was a year ago, and the years before that. “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.” I still drive myself to the brink of madness, though.
Do you or anyone you know do this? What have you found that helps you? I feel like I have such a long laundry list of issues to talk to my therapist about that I may never get to everything…and I’m doing it again!
Help a girl out! Leave me a comment & or a like!
Oh! That reminds me, I think I have fixed the comments so that when you get a reply to your message you will actually get an email telling you (if you subscribe to the comments).
I have also been trying to fix it so that you CAN subscribe to replies from your comments, or to all comments. Hit me up HERE if it’s not working for you.
Alright, see you in the comments section! I do reply to every comment, so sorry if you haven’t seen that! Have a fantastic week everyone and thanks for stopping by!!