Getting My Sea Legs


I’ve been trying to think how to write this week’s blog. I know I’m a day late, but I’ve been stuck with what to focus on. Probably because I am so unfocused. So let’s talk about that. This is my third divorce and deep down I truly believe that I will be fine and I will come out on top. But I don’t feel like that all the time. That’s the problem I’m having.

How I feel inside while I’m chatting and smiling outside.

I wake up in the night reaching for my husband, only to remember he’s with my by alleged best friend of the last six years. I’ve finally stopped talking out loud to him. That was really depressing. Then I feel so stupid that I fell for all the manipulation that both of them put me through. Then I’m angry. Then I feel like, so what? I’m in a totally different state, I have friends and family everywhere, and I know where I want to go from here; which is probably the biggest difference between this and past failed relationships.

I want to be alone and I want someone with me 24/7. All of my feelings and thoughts seem to collide with one another as they trample through my mind. They just wisk off in any given direction. I’m never sure how I’m going to feel from moment to moment.

I know someone out there knows what I’m talking about. Even if it’s emotions over something totally different, I’m sure my readers get this to some extent.

I don’t know how to talk if he’s listening…

I’m struggling with my normal “say it how I feel it” attitude because I am pretty sure that the ex is going to read this…and his replacement for me. She was over at our house within  24 hours of me leaving and now she just rolls in and parks in the garage in my spot like she owns the place. I don’t want to start a fight with anyone but honestly? I’m pissed. My ex-cried when I left. Not for me! Because I took the cats. Me he can live without. Quite easily apparently.

This is more of me venting than blogging about a certain topic, I had a point when I started and then it just slipped through my fingers as they pounded out words on the keyboard. Emotions flooding me and confusing me.

Next week I will make up for this stressful post by blogging about The Great Goat Gaff of 2018. Tune in, it’s a great story. Unless you are me or my best friend haha.

OK, let me zone in and see if I can bring this home.

Life is a series of conflicting emotions. A personal crisis of any kind is like having life on fast forward to the point where you are nauseous.  That’s what I’m going through. My suggestion for others in the same or similar situation? Get your sea legs under you. The ship will rise and fall on the waves but if you let your limbs bend with the motion you won’t lose your balance or get sick.

That means through all those emotions! Charge!

In other words, if you need to cry, yell, laugh, swear, be alone, be with friends, –as long as you don’t injure yourself or others, go for it. Get those emotions out. And when you feel like you’ve been sitting in your sorrows for maybe too long push yourself to get up and unpack boxes, set up health insurance, make financial plans. You know, the important but not terribly sexy part of surviving.

I think you and I are going to get through this. And if you see me post tragic emotional things on FB it’s because I need to get it out of my system, and I appreciate the supportive comments. It’s funny how much comfort I can find in social media. Although that avenue doesn’t always feel like the way to deal with my emotions but I’m still getting my sea legs.

Thanks for hanging in there with me! I love all of you and appreciate your support so much, you can’t even know!


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2 Comments

  1. Kathie Fong Yoneda said:

    Hopefully you have found a therapist in your area who will help you get your sea legs. Set daily positive goals for yourself, both physical as well as emotional — physical could include tasks like organizing your pantry or linen closet, going to the. Nursery & finding some flowers or food plants for your garden or patio,, etc,. — emotional goals could include writing thank you notes to folks who helped you with your move , writing another 1000 words on your book, or making a list of subjects for your blog, etc.

    1+
    July 3, 2018
    Reply
    • Amy Laurel said:

      Thanks Kathie! Those are all excellent suggestions. I have been trying to do things throughout the day to kind of push myself and not let myself wallow for too long. I’m trying to find the balance between letting myself feel what I need to feel in order to get past this and dwelling. I do have a great therapist! it’s wonderful to know that I have people like you that I can count on to be there for me!
      xoxo

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      July 3, 2018
      Reply

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