So, before I moved from Chicago to Utah I had a vision in my head. An idea that I would spend the first month here getting situated and then be off to the races. Maybe I wouldn’t be over my divorce but it wouldn’t stop me from getting where I wanted to go.
Now I’m here. It’s been about a month. I’m still 50% in boxes and realizing that it’s my 14th wedding anniversary tomorrow…or rather it would have been. It’s hurting me more than I want to admit because I know that after a while people want you to move on and talk about something else. But the reality is that I’m not totally OK. I’m not totally unraveled (for a miracle) but I am by no means great.
People say things like, “shoot for the moon and even if you miss you’ll land among the stars!”. I’ve never loved sayings like that because I am such an all or nothing person. But I was shooting for the stars and now I have made a schedule for myself (that I don’t always keep), set great goals for myself, and I’m not doing as awful as is expected.
I have a tendency, when I am sick, to feel a little bit better and decide that I am totally great. Then I get up and overdo things and am in bed longer than if I had just listened to my doctor in the first place. I feel like that’s kind of like what this is as well. I don’t want to be sad or anxious anymore. I don’t want my heart and my head to dwell on how hard I was betrayed by two people I loved the most. But it’s going to take time.
I need to let my emotions get settled and respect the process. I think that in doing so I will get more progress on my other goals (writing, vlogging, cleaning, exercise, etc.). I may spend a few days in bed but in the long run I think I will be happier, more productive, and up and about much sooner!