Getting Settled

So, before I moved from Chicago to Utah I had a vision in my head. An idea that I would spend the first month here getting situated and then be off to the races. Maybe I wouldn’t be over my divorce but it wouldn’t stop me from getting where I wanted to go.

Now I’m here. It’s been about a month. I’m still 50% in boxes and realizing that it’s my 14th wedding anniversary tomorrow…or rather it would have been. It’s hurting me more than I want to admit because I know that after a while people want you to move on and talk about something else. But the reality is that I’m not totally OK. I’m not totally unraveled (for a miracle) but I am by no means great.

People say things like, “shoot for the moon and even if you miss you’ll land among the stars!”. I’ve never loved sayings like that because I am such an all or nothing person. But I was shooting for the stars and now I have made a schedule for myself (that I don’t always keep), set great goals for myself, and I’m not doing as awful as is expected.

I have a tendency, when I am sick, to feel a little bit better and decide that I am totally great. Then I get up and overdo things and am in bed longer than if I had just listened to my doctor in the first place. I feel like that’s kind of like what this is as well. I don’t want to be sad or anxious anymore. I don’t want my heart and my head to dwell on how hard I was betrayed by two people I loved the most. But it’s going to take time.

I need to let my emotions get settled and respect the process. I think that in doing so I will get more progress on my other goals (writing, vlogging, cleaning, exercise, etc.).  I may spend a few days in bed but in the long run I think I will be happier, more productive, and up and about much sooner!

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  1. Kathie Fong Yoneda said:

    Aloha Amy: First off, it’s good that you recognize that life is not “all or nothing” — for most of us, it’s small steps, an occasional fall backwards & even an occasional leap forwards. This is especially true when we go through life-changing events, like having a child, a marriage, an illness, a major injury, a divorce, a job loss, the death of a friend or family member, etc. And while there will always be some naysayers, I can truthfully say that having friends & family — and yes, a good therapist when needed — makes a world of difference. Taking small steps forward is still progress, like unpacking a few boxes each day & taking what you don’t need to a shelter or Goodwill, signing up for a local gym, registering for a writing class at a community college or an online class, doing volunteer work for a couple of hours once a week, etc. All of these things present new opportunities for you to learn, thrive, meet others & to provide meaning in your life as well the lives of others. I know you can do it, Amy!

    July 30, 2018
    • Amy Laurel said:

      Your friendship keeps me going! Thanks so much for your reply. There is a lot of wisdom in there and I don’t intend to let it go to waste. xoxo

      July 30, 2018

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